Nurturing Your Inner Self with Vision and Goals

Welcome to my podcast. Happily, even After. I’m life coach, jen, I’m passionate about helping people recover from betrayal. I rode the intense emotional roller coaster and felt stuck and traumatized for years. It’s the reason I became a trauma-informed certified life coach who helps people like you navigate their post-betrayal world. I have the tools, processes and knowledge to help you not only heal from the betrayal, but create a healthy future. Today, we begin to help you live happily even after. Hey friends, welcome to my podcast and I hope everyone is enjoying their 2025 year and if you’re not, I’m sorry.

There’s been a lot going on in our world right now, but if you remember, a few weeks ago I had a guest on. Her name was Jessica Erickson, so if you didn’t listen to it, go back and listen. I think it was December 30th that she was on my podcast and she helps people create vision boards. So I hired her to help me create a vision board, because I love making vision boards, but I like the concept of it and I do like the creativeness of it. But it was just so nice to meet with her for an hour and a half on Zoom. I had come up with my goals ahead of time and then she’s going to print some different sizes out so I’ll be able to have them in my house to remind me. I just think having a visual of what your goals are to remind you. And it’s not too I think a lot of people get hung up on like, oh, what if I didn’t make my goal? Or or what if I’m behind, like you just realize you can’t be behind on a goal, just start tomorrow. I have lots of thoughts For me. I like to just say, okay, it’s one day at a time, or tomorrow’s a new day, or this is just an experiment. That has been really helpful for me in my business, because I think before I was kind of taking things personally, like I’m doing it wrong, or why isn’t anyone hiring me, or why isn’t anyone listening to my podcast, or why aren’t more people interacting on my reel or whatever, and I had to really decide, like, wait a second, this is just an experiment. I’m just experimenting because I’ve never done this before and I’m just learning. I’m not a professional podcaster or a professional speaker. I’m not a professional content creator, right, so I’m just learning. So that’s been really helpful. That thought has really served me and maybe it will serve you.

And I think also like holding loosely to your goals, like I made some big goals and I’m going to share them with you, some of them today, but I’m not going to make it mean anything about me if I don’t achieve the actual goal that I set for myself, because at least I’m just striving for it. It’s just helping me grow and progress and become better at things that I want to become better at. And also I think it’s so important to make things fun. So when you’re thinking about different things and realize like you don’t have to create or set your goals in January, you could do it in February or March. Like you get to decide how your year ends, right, or when your year starts. I guess I mean we do taxes in April, like so people’s years end and businesses, like their taxes are due in October. So the government even has different year cycles. Our schools start in August or September, so you get to decide when you want to start and end your year. It doesn’t have to be in January. So don’t feel like, oh my gosh, I’m behind, I haven’t even had a chance to think about what I want to do for the year, and you can choose one thing to think about or a lot of things.

Everyone’s different. So don’t compare your goals with what other people are creating and, especially if you’re experiencing betrayal right now or going through a divorce or just experiencing a lot of heartache, have lots of compassion for yourself, even if your goal is just to make it through each day Like that’s a great goal, because sometimes life is hard and we then make it harder because we judge ourselves for not doing this imaginary thing that we think we should be doing. So just have lots of compassion wherever you’re at in your life. For me, I feel very driven and excited because I have done a lot of healing already from betrayal and my divorce, and so I feel like, okay, I’m ready, I want more, I want to ask a lot of myself, but it’s not for anyone else except for me, right, it’s helping me become the person that I want to become. So some ideas in your vision board or making goals.

There’s five parts of yourself that I think it’s important to consider if you want to grow. You can choose one or all five, but a spiritual part of ourselves and when I say spiritual, I think people. Some people get turned off like, well, I’m not religious, I don’t believe in God or I don’t go to church, I have a lot of church, hurt or whatever. It’s not about church necessarily. It can be, but it’s just like something that’s bigger than you, okay, and so it could be nature or just whatever your higher power is, and so your spiritual self. What do you want to do in that arena? Your physical body, your emotional self, your intellectual self and your social self. So I think those are great categories if you need help deciding like, okay, what categories could I think about?

The other thing that I love picking a word of your year to kind of have it that be your theme for the year, and my word that I picked this year is abundance. I had three that I was thinking about, but abundance just felt really like the right word for me, especially with the goals that I’ll be telling you about that I’ve chosen that for me, living in abundance means there is always enough and more to give, and a lot of times people are like, well, that’s just a money goal. That actually, abundance can be about money, but it can be about time or energy or people, so you can have an abundant life and not have a lot of money, like it doesn’t have to be about money. It’s really your thought about how you feel, and you know people that live in scarcity, right, and so there’s just never enough and they’re always the victim. So sometimes it’s easy to go into scarcity, and especially for women that have experienced divorce and have been a stay-at-home mom, like I, was terrified, right, like I totally went into scarcity and so I’m like no, I don’t, I don’t like feeling that way, I want to be more abundant. So that’s the word I chose. So I think, if you can choose a word and put it somewhere, so you’re always like oh yeah, when you find yourself maybe reverting back to your past thoughts, you can just think more yourself. Maybe, reverting back to your past thoughts, you can just think more. Whatever your word is, think more that way. So for me, like, how is this in my favor, right? Like what? The fact that you know I was in a car accident the other day? It was minor, but okay, how can I think abundantly about this, right? So I think different situation it just can be really helpful to have a word that you’re thinking about.

Another thing that I would love for you to do, if you’re interested, is writing a letter to 2024. Writing a letter about what you loved about last year, what was really hard for you, what you want to let go of, what you wish would have happened, or whatever you want to write in the letter, kind of personify the year, and then either you could burn it, you could rip it up, you can keep it, but I think that could be really empowering to do, because, especially for those of you that found out their spouse was having an affair or got divorced, or just a health diagnosis like something that was really hard, it can just feel really empowering to like let go of that. Then write a letter to 2025. What do you want to happen? What do you hope happens? What are your dreams?

What’s your intention for the year and I love the word intention, like what’s your intention for this year? What’s your plan? What kind of ideas do you want to carry out? What do you want to happen? It can be a goal or a purpose, something you’re aiming for. It can be a goal or a purpose, something you’re aiming for. So I just think writing that letter, and maybe December 31st or whenever you decide your year ends, or whenever you want, you could then read the letter and thank yourself for what you did do.

It’s not to judge yourself and be like, oh my gosh, like I had all these hopes and dreams and nothing happened. Right, Like, of course there’s going to be good things about 2025 and really hard things and we’ve already seen that in our world today. But I just think it’s really good to kind of manifest what you want to happen, what you hope, and it’s not to say like, oh, I hope my husband changes. It’s like no, what do you want to change? How do you want to be? Who do you want to be?

So, really focusing inward instead of outward and I think a really good exercise also is to like just close your eyes and how do you want to feel? Like, go in your body, how do you want to feel in a year If you’re feeling like how do you want to feel in a year if you’re feeling like devastated, sad, really negative emotions? Close your eyes and can you envision yourself feeling a different emotion? What would that be? Several years ago, I think it was right around the time I was getting divorced I did this exercise and the image I and I drew it. I’m an artist, but I did draw a picture of me like floating above ground and I wrote the word free and I still have that picture because that’s really how I wanted to feel. And now, two years later, almost three, I totally feel free. I feel like I’ve let go of my past, of the hurts, of the wrongs that I feel were done against me, but I feel that emotion and it feels so much better than feeling devastated, sad, unfair, all those negative emotions. I’m not saying I don’t feel negative emotions anymore, but I think it’s so good to help you envision who you want to be, what you want to feel like right, and really get in touch with how you feel right now. And then, what would you like to change about that feeling?

So let me kind of go over some goals that I created for myself, and I’m saying them, putting them out in the universe. So maybe I think, when we say things out loud, they sometimes happen, sometimes they don’t, but it can be helpful for, I think, our brains to be like oh, I’m really committed to this, I’m really gonna do this. So, as far as my business goes, really committed to this, I’m really going to do this. So, as far as my business goes, I committed to make creating a thousand reels and those are just things on Instagram, little video clips, and since I’ve done Instagram, I had done a total of like 500 over three years or something. So I was just doing a couple here and there, but really focusing and a thousand reels is like two to three a day, which is a lot Like I know people can do a lot more than that and then less or whatever, but for me I’m like no, I’m just going to experiment, I’m just going to try this and I actually really love making them and being creative, so that’s something that’s a real push for me. I’m not going to be devastated if I don’t make the goal, but I’m just going to try it and see if I can do that With my podcast. I’m going to really try to invite. Well, I’m going to invite 12 guests is my goal, and so that means a guest a month to be on my podcast. So if you’re listening to this and shame and then the worry, like what is someone going to say? You know I want to be private or whatever, and I’m sure we can figure that out, but I think our stories are powerful and they help other people so much, so I think that’s important.

Sending out emails I don’t know if people get irritated, I don’t care, you can unsubscribe if you don’t like getting my email. But I’m like how can I give someone every day a little bite-sized piece of help? Because I know for me when I was in the depths of betrayal, like just anything, I just needed any reassurance, like I’m going to be okay. So I like to send out emails and my goal was to send five a week. I mean, we get a lot more from lots of companies or less. And the great thing about me sending you an email, you can decide like, oh, I don’t want her emails anymore and just unsubscribe and that’s okay. I’m not going to take it personally, I’m still, but that’s the goal for me to do and you get to choose if you want to listen to it or not. So those are just some of my business goals. I have lots of other business goals, but those are just a few of them.

Also, connecting with friends I kind of talked about this, a lesson I learned a few weeks back on my podcast that if I want to have a social life, I’m going to need to be the one to create it, and so I’ve been really intentional about inviting some of my married friends, some of my divorced friends, people that I want to get to know better, to dinner or well, I’ve only gone to dinner or lunch, but maybe plays. This year we bought the Hale Center tickets. It’s just a local place that does these amazing performances, and so I’m going to be looking for things that I want to do and then maybe buying the tickets and then inviting people. I just think it’s really important for me to get out of my comfort zone, my house, and go connect with these other women, these other people, and I really love doing that, but it’s also it just takes a little effort, but I think the path is so much greater than I realize it is is connecting with these other people, and so that’s a really big goal for me to do that.

And the big news of the year is that I’ve committed to go on one date, which I know I haven’t been on a date yet. So I don’t know, I’m going to be pretty picky about this one and it terrifies me to do that, but I’m like, no, I should get this out of my system, right, go on a date I haven’t dated. I haven’t gone on a date with another man since I was 24 years old and I’m now almost 54, so that’s a long time. Unfortunately, my husband you know my former husband he went on lots of dates through that time period and so he was a pro at it when we got divorced, but myself I have not. I was loyal in my marriage and so, but I committed to try to go on one date.

The other thing that I’m doing is I am taking my jewelry and creating. I call it like divorce jewelry or something I don’t know. I think it has a name. My daughter was like mom. That’s like divorce jewelry, anyways. But I’m going to take some of my jewelry that’s nice, you know my wedding ring and create something that I can actually wear, that I want to wear, that I’ve recreated into a more meaningful piece of jewelry for me and that’s something that I am working on creating that I like to have parties.

I love entertaining. When I was married we entertained a lot and I love hosting parties and having people in my home, and I really haven’t done that a lot since I’ve been divorced. I for sure have kids at my house a lot, but not intentionally for me, and so I am planning on doing that. My first one is in a few weeks, and if you know what hygge is, having a hygge party. It’s a Danish, it’s just a way of living that I envision, like candles and sweats, and we’re going to be doing some goals and goal setting and stuff. But I’m in a mastermind of women and I just think it’s going to be a fun evening. We’re probably going to have cheese and crackers and sparkling cider, but I just envision having a group of women coming to my home and connecting and spending time together and learning something, anyways. So I have lots of ideas for parties. I do really enjoy doing parties, so that was something else.

My fitness goals. I think this is the first year in a very long time that I haven’t been fixated on losing weight, because for the past two years I’ve been focused on losing weight. Because for the past two years I’ve been focused on losing weight. I’ve talked about this before, but weight was a huge issue in my marriage and I think my body somehow just like did not lose weight very well, because I think all the stress that I was under, that I didn’t even necessarily recognize that I was under, and so for me I just want to maintain my weight, but I’m really focusing on gaining more muscle. I think in your 50s, they say to really focus on eating more protein and lifting weights and gaining muscle. So that’s something that I’m working on doing. I have a trainer that helps me lift weights because I’m not very dedicated to do it on my own. But you know, I go walking with my friends most every morning and I love if you’ve ever heard of high fitness, it’s like dance aerobics and I love to dance and I used to do high fitness all the time and then for the past year and a half or something, I haven’t done it at all. So I’m like wait, I’m recommitting to doing high fitness because I love it so much and it makes me so happy and it’s also an amazing workout. So I think, really focusing on things you love, things that bring you joy, that are going to feel easy to do, like of course, some of these are going to be hard, but that’s just what I’m really focusing on.

Another, with my family. I have a goal to get our family picture taken. The last family picture we did was at my daughter’s wedding and I love the picture, but I know I was totally devastated in that picture and my kids were totally devastated in that picture and we put on a great face for our daughter and her husband at that wedding, and I’m so grateful that they got married and we were there, but it was. We were all pretending, we were all completely devastated that I had just gotten divorced eight weeks before. It was just a really hard time for our family, and so I just want a new family picture, and so I’m going to figure out a way to get that done, which hopefully is doable. So I’ve I have a lot more on my board, but those are ones that I’ll share.

For now it’s not about me, right? I want it to be about you and you creating your own vision, because I just want you to know like life is happening and why not, you know, make it happen on purpose? Why not choose intentionally what you want to create in your life? And I know life is heavy and life is hard, and some years are better than others, and whether this is a good year or bad year for you, that’s okay. Choose one thing.

Books are another one I chose. My daughter reads ferociously. She loves reading books, and I just don’t. I used to love reading books as a teenager which sounds weird and I think, as a young adult, but I just lost that love and I have a really hard time reading anything that isn’t educational or like I’m not learning something and I’m not ready to veer from that. But and I when I say read, I mean listen to Audible, because that’s the way I listen to a book and every now and again I’m like, oh, I’ve got to buy that book so I can, like, read along with it while I listen.

Anyway, so just, I just want you to have lots of compassion for yourself. But this is your life, like quit waiting for someone else to tell you what to do, quit waiting for your husband to give you permission, quit waiting for your wife, quit waiting for these imaginary things? Or your kids to, you know, get older, right, because they’re going to get older, but so are you. And I promise, like, why not learn and grow and become a different version of yourself? Like that’s why we’re here, in my opinion, is to learn from each other and from ourselves and from our lessons.

And yes, there are really hard things that all of us have gone through or will be going through, but that just doesn’t mean that you can’t continue having dreams and having goals and doing amazing things. So I hope this was helpful. I don’t want you to be like, oh, what’s wrong with me, like nothing’s wrong with you, right, you’re doing your best. I just want you to have a glimpse of what my goals are, because maybe that will inspire something inside of you. If you liked this podcast, please like and share with your friends and family, and I would love for you to send me a text about any podcast that you would like me to do. I will pretty much talk about anything, and so I just love for you to share that so I can find a way to help you in whatever you’re struggling with right now. Have a great day and I will talk to you next week.