Repotting Yourself: Embracing Growth and Healing after Divorce

Welcome to my podcast. Happily, even After I’m life coach, jen, I’m passionate about helping people recover from betrayal. I rode the intense emotional roller coaster and felt stuck and traumatized for years. It’s the reason I became a trauma-informed, certified life coach who helps people like you navigate their post-betrayal world. I have the tools, processes and knowledge to help you not only heal from the betrayal but create a healthy future. Today we begin to help you live happily even after. Hey friends, welcome to today’s podcast.

 

So if you haven’t watched the Martha Stewart documentary, I think it’s really good. I used to love Martha Stewart. I mean, I still like her. She’s still around, right. But my daughter we watched it together and she’s like, oh my gosh, anything about Martha Stewart. She actually went to jail for securities fraud and anyways.

 

So in this documentary there was two things I wanted to say about the documentary. Well, it was. It’s really good. Like talk about a woman that has reinvented herself multiple times and has just kept going. I mean most people that if I ever had to go to jail I would think, oh my gosh, my life is over. And she made jail like amazing, like she taught them how to. I mean I think it was like a lower security jail. Right, it wasn’t the jail that we envisioned, but still she was in jail and she educated these women and helped them. She lifted everyone up, which I think is so beautiful, such a great lesson. And then the other thing is that the trailer that I saw was like Martha Stewart had an affair and I was like, oh, that’s so disappointing. I was like, wait, she cheated on her husband. But then, if you watch it, her husband had multiple, multiple affairs and I would never say have an affair to get back at your spouse for having an affair. Having an affair ruins lives, lots of lives. So absolutely not. But it irritated me the way they made it sound on her and it was like, no, no, actually she had been living with her spouse for years and years in his betrayals and anyways, watch it, it’s really good. But a term she said somewhere in the documentary she talked about repotting yourself and I, anytime I hear something that really interests me or catches my attention, I’m like like I’m going to do a podcast on repotting yourself because I just love the concept of the picture.

 

Like, I am not a gardener, nor am I a good plant owner. I do have some plants and they’re alive. But in general I don’t know a lot about planting but of course, the analogy of you know your grass grows where you water it and hence why having an affair, your marriage is dying and you’re over there with your affair partner watering that area, right Like you get the analogy. So I just think it’s such a beautiful analogy. Repotting means a lot of plants. You know, as they grow their roots they need a bigger pot. And my friend this morning I was telling him this is what I was talking about and I guess bonsai trees are really particular about their pots and I was going to look it up, but anyways, but they you have to like get so much bigger, the size of the bonsai tree because of their roots and it helps keep them thriving and alive.

 

So I just want you to envision yourself and really look at your life and where would you like to repot your life? You know what areas of your life would you think you could repot your life? And my friend, when I was telling her this, she was telling me about her parents. They had lived in their home. I think they had 10 kids. They just moved a few months ago. They sold the family home and the dad. They’re in their 80s. It was really hard for him and he told his daughter that like, thank you, I haven’t seen your mom thrive this much in years, and I think because she felt her neighborhood. She’d lived in that neighborhood for so many years, she had created a lot of labels for herself and she had dealt with some depression and some health issues and so she kind of put herself in this box, in this neighborhood that she’d lived in for so many years, and when she moved she became this new person and I just love that analogy. I think of my own parents, my mom, who was a stay-at-home mom her whole life and now she’s 78 years old running a successful business, while my dad is helping her and supporting her, where their previous life she was the one supporting him in his career, and now it’s reversed. And so I think you’re never too old or never too young to start or stop doing something.

 

And looking at your life, me, I really noticed repotting happening when I got divorced I knew I wanted to move and I didn’t want to move to a different state because that would be really scary, right, I wasn’t ready to like change my whole life, I just needed to change it a little bit. So repotting doesn’t mean you have to like tear everything down, like I talked about with the fires, but it’s just like okay, I just want something new, a refresh, right. And so I just moved literally a few miles away on one side of my city to the other side, but it is a new neighborhood, a new house. I still have a lot of the same furniture and a lot of, you know, obviously the same kids, but it does look different, right, it feels different. I go a different way to the grocery store and to the gym and all the things. So it was a way that I could repot myself after my divorce and have enough of a change. But it wasn’t too much change. So I just think it’s really. I just love the concept.

 

Okay, and every few years or every year or something, I think, looking at your life and deciding like where do you feel stuck? Where do you feel like you’re not growing Because if you’re not growing, you’re they say, like you’re not growing, you’re dying, right, but where are you kind of stagnant in your life and maybe decide like what’s going to help you? Asking yourself some hard questions. Start by asking yourself why do I want to make a change. What is it inside of you? I mean, I think some people have the problem where they want to change all the time and that can be exhausting and maybe, I don’t know, I’m not going to say right or wrong reason, but just like it’s their why matters. Don’t know if I’m not going to say right or wrong reason, but just like it’s their why matters. But just consider why do you want to make the change? And then listen, what comes to your mind? Do you want a big change? Or just you want to plan a vacation? What do you need? Will you be able to thrive and succeed if you make the change? So pay attention. Like, is this going to help you, like, get out of the rut?

 

I look at my daughter. She wanted to go to England. It was always a dream to do a study abroad and she’d missed the opportunity because of COVID. And we found this other opportunity and she was able to go live there for a year and it wasn’t a big risk. It was one year, right, but she was able to get out of her comfort zone and change and move. So I just think asking yourself these questions is important. It could be you just want to learn. Maybe when you were younger you like to dance or paint. You just want to take a painting class. Or could be small or bigger, right, moving is a bigger commitment. Or switching your job, or starting a podcast, or starting an instagram account, whatever you feel called to do, like.

 

I think you just need to go inward and think, like, what would help you, what would help get you unstuck? And I think when you’ve experienced trauma, especially betrayal trauma, you feel very stuck. So if you can just find one little thing to help get you unstuck and just envision you’re trying to repot your self into something better, okay, know your limits. I think is important, right, I think it’s important to listen to your heart. Take a risk, but don’t take too big a risk. Right, make sure you’re financially can do whatever you’re trying to do. Right, you don’t want to go into debt for something, unless I mean you’re starting a business, maybe that’s okay. But just be really mindful, I think, of when you’re thinking about your ideas of repotting kids.

 

I had a son still in high school and so did I want to uproot him, like that would have never happened, right, he would have. I don’t know what would have happened, but you do need to consider people in your life that are living with you. It might not be the best time, right, like pay attention, make sure you’re checking in with them if it’s going to affect them. But someday, when my kids are older, I imagine myself like going to live in France for a month or something. That sounds really exciting to me, like I would love to do that. I’d love to go back to Hong Kong and live, spend some more time in Asia. So that’s going to be easier for me when my kids are more on their own. Okay, so just consider. I think it’s important to be easier for me when my kids are more on their own. So just consider. I think it’s important to consider your loved ones.

 

Celebrate the endings of a chapter. I think we tend to make things, whether we are divorced, that that’s a failure. It’s not a failure, just that the chapter of your marriage ended and you didn’t expect it, you weren’t planning on it, but that’s just what it was, and we can celebrate that and then decide what next. What do we want now? If you are switching jobs or careers, right, you didn’t fail at the job you had before. You just are wanting something different. Something inside of you is calling right. When you say goodbye to a house, that house just, you needed a change. Maybe you outgrew it or maybe, for whatever reason, you’re moving okay. So I think it’s really important to celebrate what you’re moving from to what you’re moving to.

 

So, as you’re just thinking, I just want you to know like growth requires movement. If you want to grow, you’re going to have to take some risks, you’re going to have to make some decisions, and growth can feel uncomfortable, and that’s why a lot of people, I think, don’t do things that they want to do, but they’re either scared of failure, scared of being uncomfortable. Right, we don’t like the feeling of discomfort. Right, we live cushy lives, but that’s the only way that you’re going to grow lives, but that’s the only way that you’re going to grow. So I would just challenge you to look at your life and are there areas that you might want to try to repot and to change up and to do different? They don’t have to be big, huge changes. You don’t have to move across the country or, you know, get divorced. You can stay married and do this.

 

But I just would encourage you to look inside of yourself and where’s an area in your life that you would like to push yourself a little bit. I think it can be really powerful, a confidence booster. It can be just a way to become the person that you envision yourself being. So I just really liked the concept. I’m sure other people have said besides Martha Stewart, she’s just the first person that when I heard it, I was like, oh, this is so fascinating. So I would just love you to consider how you’re going to repot your life, and I’m going to be contemplating on that issue as well. I feel like I’ve done a lot of repotting the past few years, but there’s always room for more growth and more learning and more doing.

 

Thanks so much for listening. And more learning and more doing. Thanks so much for listening. If you are experiencing betrayal, I just want you to know that it is possible to heal, and I have created a course that can help you, and I would love I’d love to meet you and see how I can help you heal and be a part of your healing journey. Thanks for listening and I will talk to you next week. If you want to learn how to live happily, even after, sign up for my email at hello at life coach Jen with one ncom. Follow me on Instagram and Facebook at happily even after coach. Let’s work together to create your happily even after.