Welcome to my podcast. Happily Even After. I’m life coach, jen, I’m passionate about helping people recover from betrayal. I rode the intense emotional roller coaster and felt stuck and traumatized for years. It’s the reason I became a trauma-informed, certified life coach who helps people like you navigate their post-betrayal world. I have the tools, processes and knowledge to help you not only heal from the betrayal but create a healthy future. Today, we begin to help you live happily even after. Hey friends, welcome to today’s podcast. I’m so excited to be here today. I’m so glad you’re listening.
I have a guest on and her name is Gia Huff Guidry, and you know how I met her was on Facebook, the good old social media, and I just love connecting with people throughout the world, the country, and the one thing that we have in common is that we’ve both been betrayed, we’ve experienced infidelity and, bizarrely, it’s a club no one wants to belong to, but when you belong to it, you are committed to these women.
We feel a lot of love and compassion for each other because we know what we know and we’ve had a lot of the same experiences, and I belong to lots of different groups and have met women from all over the world that have experienced infidelity and I just feel a connection immediately because they’re safe. I feel like we get each other, even though our experiences are different. So I’m so excited Gia, can you just introduce yourself? And also she’s a fellow life coach, which I love that there are more and more women coming into this niche because, unfortunately, infidelity, betrayal, is not going away. So we need other women helping women and men heal. And so, gia, just tell us a little bit about yourself, okay thanks, hi, jennifer.
Hi, I’m so glad to connect with you and it was so fun meeting you in our group in Life Coach School, and I love too that you’re doing this work on betrayal and infidelity. I think it’s so needed and I think you know, like you said, it is a sisterhood.
Yes.
Yeah, and it’s a club that we hope there would be no more members, but we know that there are always new recruits, new recruits. So I’m also a professional life coach and you know I’ve been working for four years coaching women, sort of as a general life coach. I recently decided to niche in the direction of healing from infidelity, simply because, as I was going through it, there was so much that I needed so much attention in this specific area. Like it’s one thing to listen to podcasts or teachings about grief, let’s say, and then you try to make it apply to you, but when you’re grieving the loss of a marriage and the person is still living, yeah.
And when you feel you didn’t have any control over the decision for your marriage to change in that way. It’s very unsettling, it’s unnerving. You feel all of a sudden that your world has been turned upside down. Did you watch Stranger Things? No, I need to watch it, I guess it’s just it’s kind of a crazy show. The kids love it, but there’s a whole world they call the upside down, and I was watching it as I was going through the my own healing and I thought, oh my gosh, that’s that describes my life perfectly. It’s the upside down. And all of a sudden I live in this strange upside down down and all of a sudden, I live in this strange upside down.
I love that because, yeah it, I I watch movies and shows all the time, like I really connected with Ted Lasso, a lot of the characters in that show, like I’ll watch shows and I’ll be like, oh my gosh, they just described my life. Yeah, sweet Magnolias, I feel like, is a story of part of my life, and so I love when you find things that are, you know, being created, that you’re like I really connect to that. So I’m going to write that down and watch Stranger Things.
Well, I don’t know that it’s. It’s not necessarily a great show for healing. It’s just that it was a pop culture phenomenon at the time and I was like I feel like I’m living in the upside down. But I have a question for you. Did you have a show that sort of you remember was the main show?
that got you through the worst part of your healing. Oh well, I I mean, I love Ted Lasso, yeah.
I love that one too.
That helps a lot. Sweet Magnolias. Have you watched that? I haven’t watched it.
Now you’ve told me and I’m going to yeah, it’s really good.
I do watch a lot of TV and shows. I never did before. I was raising four babies and teenagers and I know you have three kids, so like part of most of my life I like didn’t even have time to watch TV. Now I have a lot of time because I’m single, divorced, so I filled myself and it’s actually been really healing to watch some of these shows because I’m like oh, that’s really. Or movies you know, I love the other women. I actually like shows like that. Maybe some people I think that might upset them, but for me I’m like it just helps me get perspective.
Yeah, it’s, it’s great. I actually haven’t watched that one. Oh yeah, I spent a summer binge watching friends, which was so great, you know, it really did lighten my heart and lighten the mood, and you know humor.
Like I think sometimes people are like, why do you make these funny reels? Cause I really like making reels, but I find you have to have humor about this because it is so devastating and sad, you have to add humor into it, and so I really tried to be intentional of listening. I have a son that loves comedy, so trying to listen to more comedy, bringing more humor into my life, because it can feel so heavy and sad, it’s like, no, we have to laugh about some of these things because it’s like almost like you can’t even believe that that was your life. That is true. So I think it’s great, great advice, yeah, I think it’s great too, yeah, talking to you, you kind of um, if you want to share a little bit of your story.
But then also I want to really hear about this gap year that you did, because I’m thinking I need a gap year. You do need a gap year. We talk about our kids, like going to college and like after high school. A lot of them take gap years. But maybe women after we get divorced later in life, like in our 50s. I actually don’t know how old you are, but I think I am 53. I’m the same age, so in our 50s we might have the opportunity because we might not have kids still at home, right, and so I think it’s awesome. I’m like I’m going to consider this after I hear your gap year.
Yeah, so, yeah, so tell us how you got here, and then about the gap year Okay, so it started in 2017. My husband let me know that he had been involved in a long affair and that it was over, but he felt you have any idea, like, do you looking back, did you have sense?
Did your body tell you no, no, I was 100% blindsided.
I mean, if you had asked me that morning like. I say this all the time. If you had a gun to my head that morning and said you know, would your husband ever cheat on you? I would have lost my life. Because I would have said, no, absolutely never. That is not even possible. And so, no, I had no idea. And it was very, very shocking. What made him tell you?
Well.
I feel like it came out on the other partner’s side of the family and so, since it was out, he needed to let me know. So she was married. She was married, yes. And then her husband found out and so he needed to let me know and, as far as I know, after that they never had contact again and he was very, very sorry and very dedicated to you know, making it right on on our side. And we did go into therapy. We did workshops. I did a retreat like therapy. We did workshops. I did a retreat Like I read every book that I could get my hands on. It all of a sudden became my job to fix this and heal this.
Yeah, Isn’t that interesting how women it’s like wait, you just dropped this bomb. Okay, we’re going to figure it out, we’re going to fix it?
Yeah, get better, yeah. And you know there is a bit of a panic and a scramble when you’re a stay-at-home mom. So I was. I did have my own business. I was a photographer, but that job was not my income that supported our family. It was. You know, that was our vacation money. That was fun money, it was great money, but it was money we could spend. I wasn’t trying to save. I didn’t have a 401k. It was nothing to do with my long-term stability. Our income came from his work. Wait a second, I might not have this security right. I’m losing my partner. I’m losing my financial security, my insurance, his family that I love so much, like everything. Or in the five of us you know we were team five, we had number fives hanging all over the house we were the towns and six.
Like, yes, we had an house, we were the towns and six. Yes, we had an email. Everything was the towns and six.
Right, I got it, so I was very invested in our marriage. We were actually married a total of 28 years, but it was 24 years when I found out about the infidelity and then it was really never the same again. Uh, even though we were making a strong effort, I think the damage was very severe and uh, it started, you know, making me question well, do I want this? Should I? Should I try to stay with this? And some of the damage, for me, was just irreversible.
Yeah, Well, the line, it’s not necessarily the infidelity, it’s all the lies that had to happen, At least for me, like I mean, of course that part was very hurtful, but all the line it’s like the great lengths that they went to to cover it up because you clearly had no idea.
I had no idea, which made me feel really dumb and I was like how, how can I be this stupid? I I totally turned on myself in the beginning Like how could you be so stupid? And you know I see in hindsight how hard I was. I was so mean to me when I was already down. Yes, we do that.
It’s so sad, of course, because you completely trusted him and you had made a vow in your marriage that he wasn’t going to do that and you weren’t going to ever do that. So we, just we trust. I think as women, we are very trusting. Yes, he gave you no reason to believe differently than what he was telling you about. It’s true, right.
Yeah.
Yeah, it makes perfect sense. So that’s 2017. Now it’s 2024. So you when did you get divorced? Now it’s 2024. So you, when did you get divorced?
The divorce was final at the beginning of 2022.
So two and a half years ago now, Right Right when I got divorced. I got divorced in May of 2022.
So you’ve been maybe a little bit longer, just a few months. Yeah, yeah, yeah, and I filed for divorce in 21,. But you know it took like six months to go through and it was an awful time. To be honest, I didn’t get any pleasure or relief from the process. I felt like things got worse, don’t you think?
Like you almost think like, oh, this is going to feel better, yeah, yeah.
But it did not. Yeah, it just got harder for a while. But I I really realized that the the door was now open for me to establish a relationship with myself, because I didn’t even really understand codependency or recognize that I was dependent on him in this way. But once he was no longer a part of my daily life, I was like desperate and you know, I thought, oh my gosh, I don’t know how I’m going to do this without a partner. And I thought it’s very, very important for me to learn how to stand on my own two feet.
Yeah, which is so great because I think so many women that uncomfortable, like they don’t even want to sit in it because they’re like I can’t do this, and then they rush to another relationship immediately, which is a whole other, because you’re bringing the hurt and the pain from your first marriage to a new relationship.
So I think that’s so great that you recognize that and you’re willing to sit in that and figure that out before. Recognize that and you’re willing to sit in that and figure that out before you know. And, yeah, because G is also dating, which I am not, but so I can’t wait to hear her story about that but I’m going to talk about. So you sat in that. And then when did you decide to do this gap year? Like what brought you to that?
So it was, um, my youngest kid was graduating from high school and so we got to live in our family home. That was part of the divorce agreement that we could live in the family home until she graduated from high school. But as soon as graduation came upon us, the house was listed. It sold fast and I still didn’t know where I wanted to go. I didn’t know if I wanted to stay living in Houston, or did I want to go back to my hometown, which is Lafayette, louisiana, or did I want to move, you know, closer to my older two children. They both live in the mountains and I was like I don’t know where to go. I don’t know what I want to do. And you know it was this big question and it was super another super scary transition. It’s like what do I want to do? And you know, it was this big question and it was super another super scary transition.
It’s like what do I want to do, cause really, you could have done any of those things, right.
Yeah, yes, and but also, you know, I did have some financial limitations because, as a lot of women find themselves now, I don’t qualify for a loan without a spouse. You know, I have a certain amount of cash that is available to me and then beyond that I’ve got to fend for myself, and so I wasn’t sure if I wanted to put the cash that I had into another house or do I become a renter? It was just a whole new world and I talked myself through it and I was like, if you could do anything, anything at all, what would you want to do? And it was such an immediate answer that I wanted to travel. There was just no hesitation in my heart and in my spirit. I knew I wanted to travel and so I thought you know, I do all of a sudden have a lot of freedom.
My job is flexible. I do all of a sudden have a lot of freedom. My job is flexible. I can take my clients on the road or I can tell them that I’m taking a break, you know, and I’m able to check out. And so I just went. I went on an adventure I the first leg of my gap year. I call it my first semester in the fall of that 23. I did a bunch of United States national parks.
Okay, I traveled around to all of them. I drove yeah, I did a 60 day driving trip and I was alone, but I have a lot of friends along that journey that I stayed with for a night or two here or there, and then my two adult kids live out in the mountains, so I stayed with them for part of the time, but I was on my own a lot in those two months and it was amazing, you know, and I got actually got really strong. I hiked almost every day somewhere and I felt my heart getting strong up at the altitude like that, and my legs. I just started to feel like, hey, I can carry myself, I can do this on my own. And I did a lot of brave things. I even hiked down into the Grand Canyon, which is a really huge hike that people train for months before doing, and I did it without training. I don’t recommend that.
But I was like I’m here, I’m doing it, it’s so awesome, I just I love this so much, yeah. So then, after your first semester, what did you?
do? I came back to Houston for the holidays and, uh, did you rent?
an Airbnb, or how did? Where did you stay? Or do you have friends, I guess?
I got. I got so lucky in this. I have a friend who had a garage apartment that she allowed me to sort of set myself up in. Most of my things went into storage but my bed went to her garage apartment and, you know, a stack of clothes and the necessities and I was able to live there when I was in town.
That’s so great.
It was just such a nice arrangement, yeah, right, yeah. And I also didn’t have to rent a place when I was out of town. I did pay rent when I was in town, but it was who? Who lets you do that? You know, it was a good, it was really, it was really magical. Yeah, a good friend, another single woman who you know can relate, yes, and it was such a gift that she gave me.
Yeah, that’s so awesome. I love that.
I was home for the holidays and then I went back out in January and I flew to Bali and I stayed in Bali for two months. I dreamed to go to Bali. Yeah, it is a dream.
Two months, oh my gosh. Yes, yeah, I love that. You did this, love it, Love it. So you went to Bali and then did you go to other places in Asia, that part of the world.
No, but I did explore Bali a lot. There are lots of beaches to go to, lots of little islands right off the coast, up into the mountains where the volcanoes are, and you felt safe there as a single woman. I really did, yeah, I actually felt completely safe, yeah totally yeah, I think that culture.
I feel like they’re just a safe group of people right.
Yeah, and there are so many women traveling solo there. I started to notice so many women sitting alone at restaurants and it took me a couple of weeks to get brave enough. But I, just when I was walking into a restaurant, I would just go to a table with another woman sitting alone and I was like, are you solo traveling? And they were like yes, would you like to sit? Everyone invited me to sit.
Awesome, and so great things that taught you right and the connection you’re making with strangers. Like we don’t do that in our everyday life because, for whatever reason, we feel like that’s weird or uncomfortable, but when you’re in another country you could connect. I mean, it’s so beautiful. I love that it was beautiful.
I made so many friends and we’re connected now online, and a lot of those solo traveling women continued to travel online beyond Bali and they they’re doing all of those South Asian countries and many other places that are, you know, welcoming and affordable to travel abroad.
Yeah, so after your two months. So that when did that end your two months? Mid-march Of this year, yeah, okay. So then tell me you’re dating. Like how did that happen? When did you meet someone?
Okay, so then tell me you’re dating Like how did that happen? When did you meet someone? So I met him last year in April. I met him on Bumble.
Okay.
And I had given myself a personal deadline of April 1st that I was going to sign up for my first dating app, and that seems like for one year or 18 months, 18 months, okay, or about maybe 16 months, uh-huh okay.
So then you’re like okay, april 1st, I’m gonna yeah, I just thought like I could tell that I wasn’t going for it because I was too scared of all. You know, you can build it up into a really big scary thing and I thought, what’s what’s so scary? I’m going to go out with a creep, like you know. But yeah, I knew I was a creep. You can leave, yeah, but I mean, it’s brand new territory. The last time I dated I was 19 years old, so I was like you know, here I am in my fifties. I don’t know what I’m doing. Am I going to be weird? Is it going to be awkward? You know, are they going to be someone I can trust, like you know? Now, obviously I have trust issues. Yeah, but I just told myself you got to get up on the horse, honey. Yeah, I love that. Yes, I said April 1st.
Okay.
And, but it’s still. I’d started on April 1st but I didn’t realize. It kind of takes a little while to create a profile.
Yeah, and then this is a thought which you know, we have lots of them, but I always think like, oh guys, my age, they want younger, Cause my husband went way younger, my former husband went way younger, but also there are plenty of guys out there, right?
Yes, yes, One of our, um one of our colleagues Janet. Archer, she’s a fellow coach and she coached me and she told me. She said don’t be one of those women who says there are no men.
And she’s.
I promise you there are tons of men and if you go in with the mindset that there are lots and lots of men that are good fit for me, you will find that and I just remembered that and I kept it in mind that I don’t want to, you know such a great thought because we can get painted by like oh, all men cheat or there’s not worthy men.
A lot of you know how do I know if they’re going to tell the truth? Because my former husband wasn’t telling me the truth and I believed him. So, I love that thought, though. Yeah, so you started. Did you go on many dates, or what was your experience?
So we started talking on the app like pretty early in April. I think I started on April 3rd, I got it launched and maybe by April 7th I already met him.
Okay if you’re not doing anything later. You want to go grab a coffee, and so we did. We walked to coffee and you know that’s that helped us to see if there was a vibe, and we continued to talk um over text. And then my daughter was graduating and it was a busy time, so we really didn’t go out again until June. But then the momentum kicked in and so we started dating last year in June and before your gap year you started before my gap year.
Yeah, I love that you still did your gap year. That’s so I know.
Yeah, and he also said you really have to do it Like you’ve got to. You’ve got to do your dream. So that said worlds to me about him. Yeah, so that said worlds to me about him. Yes, yeah, and so, yeah, we spent some time apart while I was doing this, traveling, but it’s so easy to stay connected with FaceTime, and he actually came out to see me on both of my trips, so that was great. You know, we did a little together and I can say that it’s been amazing and wonderful to be dating again.
That’s so awesome and feel the love that you deserved. And you know you thought you had in your first marriage and I’m sure you did Like you know you had. It’s just a different. Yes, yeah, yeah, oh, I love that. So you guys are are you pretty serious or you don’t know? You’re just taking things slow?
Well, we are in a committed relationship and that’s as much as we both know right now. Yeah, we’re in a committed relationship and you know we stay very present with each day and you know it’s really good.
We really both enjoy it and we’re just kind of seeing where it goes, yeah, which is really exciting. I just, I love this. So how do you feel like your healing is going like really great? What are some like top tips, like a couple? Just give like one or two things that really have helped you heal?
Yeah, I really had to make falling in love with myself a priority, and I think I did that in the first year, but I have continued to do that through the second year and now into my third year, remembering that I am the most important relationship that I have, and it’s me and me, until death. Do us part you know.
I love that so much because I don’t think our society teaches that. That’s one reason I love coaching so much, because that’s really true and when you love you, you have so much more love to give your kids, to give other people in your life. Yes, you have so much more love to give your kids, to give other people in your life. Yes, Because you’re not so I don’t know it like magnifies, but when you don’t like yourself, you’re not wanting to spread your love.
Right, yeah, and I needed to become somewhat self-centered. I needed to become somewhat selfish because you know, yes, I did a lifetime of service raising my children and you know, being a stay-at-home mom, you’re often in volunteer roles. You’re often, you know, a helper in your community and a savior a lot of times for your own children and even for your spouse or for your family. We hold a lot, we work hard and uh, but you know I’m not saying I just started being selfish when I got divorced.
I think I’ve always been a little bit bad, and I don’t think selfish is a bad thing. For me, it sounds like selfish, oh that. I think our world has got that wrong. Right, it’s okay, right, sure. I mean, there’s a difference between lying and the betrayal. That’s a whole other level of selfish, right, right?
right. Yeah, this is just me recognizing that I needed to really let myself feel my feelings, have the experience of transitioning out of a long marriage and into learning how to be alone, learning how to not be afraid of a weekend with nothing planned, you know. Learning how to connect my own wifi things I never had to do before. I was like I. I know how to use the internet. That means I can probably figure out any, you know, problem For me it’s cars.
I’m like I just I don’t want to deal with the tire, but I’m like I’ve got to deal with it because no one else is coming to my rescue.
Yeah, yes, exactly, and becoming empowered to. You know, solve our own problems and it’s nice to not need another person, but it’s wonderful if you get to come together to just enjoy each other’s company.
You can be separate, but together, which is such a beautiful thing, yeah.
I love that is such a beautiful together. Yeah, I love that. I did want to say that. Just, you know not to plug our industry, but coaching is a way. Coaching is what helped me the most in my healing. I did do a lot of therapy. I did do a lot of reading. I listened to tons of podcasts. You, I did the most, but it was having a coach to point me back in the direction of the tools that I have so that I could guide myself. Coaches teach us how to guide ourselves.
Yes, and kind of know our thoughts, are everything Right? It’s really like we can go down different paths. It’s so true I attribute a lot of my healing to coaching as well. Yeah, yeah it’s. I think it’s good to have both, and especially being a betrayal coach and fidelity coach. It’s like that other layer of the knowing yes, yeah, which is so powerful. So it’s so nice to meet you, like I’m going to. If I’m coming to Houston anytime soon, I’m calling you. I’d love it. I want you to tell us really fast how to find you so we can follow you and follow your journey. And so how can my listeners find you?
Okay, so we’re going to put it in the show notes, but my Instagram handle is Gia Spirit and my Facebook page is Gia Huff Guidry.
Okay.
And then I do have a private Facebook account called Sunshine Sisterhood, and it is a group for women that are healing from infidelity. All right.
Oh, I love that so much because we need more sunshine when we’ve experienced infidelity. Yeah, exactly. Anyways, Well, it’s so nice to meet you. Thanks for coming on my podcast and we will be in touch.
Thank you so much for having me. It’s been great.
If you want to learn how to live happily even after, sign up for my email at hello at lifecoachjenwith1ncom. Follow me on Instagram and Facebook at Happily Even After. Coach, let’s work together to create your happily even after.
