Rebuilding: When Your Hopes and Dreams Burn to the Ground

Welcome to my podcast. Happily, even After. I’m life coach, jen, I’m passionate about helping people recover from betrayal. I rode the intense emotional roller coaster and felt stuck and traumatized for years. It’s the reason I became a trauma-informed certified life coach who helps people like you navigate their post-betrayal world. I have the tools, processes and knowledge to help you not only heal from the betrayal but create a healthy future. Today we begin to help you live happily even after. Hey friends, welcome to today’s podcast.

 

So if you are like me and are glued to your phone and watching the LA Fires, then you’re going to like this podcast. I just want to say I can’t take my eyes off and I think this video is going to be next week, possibly the day after. Tiktok is no longer right, isn’t it like the 19th or 17th? Anyways? But, mr Wonderful, he said he was going to plan on buying it. Someone’s trying to buy it, so I don’t know who knows what’s going to happen, but I’m not a huge TikTok watcher. However, I have been nonstop watching these fires and I actually had a dear friend, a friend from my childhood, who moved to the Pacific Palisades five months ago in her dream beautiful house, I mean. It was amazing, beautiful house. I mean, it was amazing, like I get why people want to live there and her house burnt down. She barely made it out with, you know, her clothes, a few items that she could throw in her car, like people did not have a lot of time to leave. It really came upon fast, right, and so I don’t necessarily want to get into all the politics of what I think of California and all of that, but just the humanness of having your entire home burned down. I think it was 2012, 2012, 2011.

 

I used to own a school uniform company and I had started it. My kids went to a charter school and another part about me I got my degree in fashion merchandising, so I have always loved clothes and fashion, and when my kids had to start wearing uniforms, I was the mom that wanted to buy the cute uniforms, and I couldn’t find any cute uniforms, and so I had this crazy idea that I was going to start buying and selling uniforms, and I had four little kids and I started selling them in the store that was already in existence. I would just bring the uniforms there and they would sell them for me, and then they went out of business, and so I actually created. My business was called Academy Attire and I started going around to schools and doing sales and, anyways, I had my brothers working with me and I loved it so much. And July 30th like the busiest time of year for a school uniform company, because it’s right when school’s getting ready to start. So I had my highest amount of inventory.

 

And that night at 2 am I got a phone call from I rented a little back spot in my friend’s dance studio in Bountiful on Main Street and she had this beautiful dance studio and I had this little space that I rented from her. And I get a call saying our building’s on fire. And I was like, wait, what? I mean? It’s amazing. I answered the phone, but I did. I think it was probably when I still had a home phone, right, it wasn’t just a cell phone in 2012.

 

Anyways, and so we went down there and basically watched the building burn. It didn’t totally burn to the ground, really, the fire it was like a five alarm fire, four alarm fire I think, which means there’s lots of fire trucks there and no one was hurt. But the water like that really damaged all the clothes. Right, they weren’t necessarily burnt, but they had smoke and water and I mean there’s a lot I could say about the fire. It was devastating. I had insurance, thank goodness. Also, the dance studio had insurance and all that. But my baby it was kind of felt like my baby. My dream was just I watched it just go away in a second.

 

And I think, when I watch these people in their fire, if you think about your home, your home is your heart. I don’t care if you have a 10,000 square foot home or $10 million, $20 million. I think people get caught up on the money of it, how much homes cost. I mean, homes cost a lot. A very small home costs a lot in California, especially in the Pacific Palisades. So people are fixated on that part of it. But I think the human side of it is these are people like you and me that have just lost everything.

 

And if some people had insurance, some people didn’t. And the thing is with insurance that I learned yeah, you have insurance, but you have to sue. We had to get a lawyer and we actually had to sue because we’re suing. It turned out to be the air conditioner guy. He was the one who did something that caused sparks and anyways, that’s where it came from the air conditioner repair guy, so we had to sue the air conditioner company to try to get our money. And then it wasn’t like we got lots of money from this, we barely like we got a percentage and I got a small percentage, but it wasn’t extra money, it was just money to cover my inventory and the cost.

 

It wasn’t like, oh, people are getting rich off of the fire, right? So I think people, if you haven’t had the experience, you just don’t know, and I think it took about two years, about two years, maybe longer, a little shorter to actually get any money. So you still have to pay your mortgage and you still have to pay your bills, right, even though you don’t have a house to live in. And so then you’re paying your mortgage and then you have to rent a place and, yeah, some insurance will pay for your rental. But it doesn’t like happen instantaneously, right, there is a lot more to it, a lot of red tape, and so I just think, when I hear these people like, oh, the rich people, you know they why are they upset? I’m like, well, because that was their life, that was their, the treasures they collected and those were important to them. Just because you don’t find value in different things. You know, yeah, they had a lot of cars, but they liked their cars right, like I just think the judgment is really a sign. So if you find yourself judging these people, I would do a self-check and figure out like, okay, are you jealous? Do you want that life? Like what’s going on for you, really paying attention?

 

The beautiful part about the fire that forever changed my heart was the people For me that showed up. And because it was like a baby for me, this was my business, my dream, to watch that all go away. And the insurance just says we’ll write off the clothes. I’m like, well, do I just throw them away? Like, yeah, they were, they had smoke or water damage, but you could wash those and get that out. And I was like I, I couldn’t bring myself to just throw it away, right? And so what I did? My entire neighborhood pitched in and washed hundreds of loads of these uniforms, and that may sound crazy to you, but I just I couldn’t do that. And they saw that in me and said we’re here to help and we’re going to help you. And so they literally the bags of clothes they washed.

 

And then I did a fire sale, and when I did the fire sale, I just let people buy things for $1 and 50 cents and $2, right, I think the most expensive thing was two dollars. And so I, you know, invited everyone from all the schools and any emails that I had, and they came and were able to get clothes for their kids, you know, for a dollar, right, they’re brand new clothes that the insurance company said you can do whatever you want with them, and so that’s what I chose to do. And then with all those other clothes that I had that I think the fire cell was like two days, right, and then all the other clothes, we had invited several schools, underprivileged kids, and they got to come in and pick out school clothes and not everyone wore uniforms, but they were just really nice clothes for their kids, and it was amazing to see the volunteers that came to help me, as well as the people there that needed clothes. And anyways, I mean, this is 10 to 12 years ago and I so get emotional about this, but for me it was making something really tragic in my life have meaning, and so I just think, when you watch, these people have literally lost everything.

 

Watch, these people have literally lost everything. It is devastating, and to have compassion whether they had, if they’re millionaires, if they’re movie stars, whatever their status in life is, I don’t think it matters. What matters is they just had Christmas, they just had, you know, beautiful things, they bought gifts and they had their life, and now their safety, their security, is gone and that feels very unsettling. If you’ve ever had felt unsafe or not have security in your life, I think you can relate to this. So I also have been thinking about this like how it applies to like our marriages and our relationships. And if you’ve experienced betrayal and for couples that I’ve coached that are really trying to rebuild their marriage, you really basically have to burn your marriage that you had before down and you have to start over. And so I think for people it is a time to rebuild and you can just like for me, it had a lot of closure for me to take those clothes and wash them and give them to someone else that couldn’t afford clothes or that needed more than I did was just very powerful. So if you’re experiencing you know you’re trying to rebuild your marriage like you’ve really got to just tear everything down, all your past beliefs and what you were doing before and rebuild from the ground up. And I think, hopefully for people, this will be very empowering and really help them right, because there’s lots of things in our life that we hold on to that we think we need and we really don’t.

 

For me, I’ve been asking my kids like hey guys, like maybe we should think, like if we had a fire today, what would we want to take? And you know, been looking around I’ve been thinking you know my photo albums, photos, memories. I’m like okay, well, maybe I need to digitize more things, right, like if I could get them in digital form then I’ll always have them, I wouldn’t have to worry if they burnt down. And maybe buying a safe, a fireproof safe to have in my house to put you know some valuables that I might have that are really meaningful. I mean, obviously there’s some things that you’re just going to have to let go of, but I just think it’s really good to prepare, like what if something happened in your life? Like really take an inventory and kind of play that out with your family and your kids and decide. Of course, the people are what matters most getting your family out. And I mean I don’t know if I can talk about this.

 

But there’s a lady and her son was like he’s blind and he had broken his arm or something and anyways, he was in Malibu and she couldn’t pick him up, she couldn’t help him leave and he’s like, mom, just leave, just go, I’ll be okay, go get help. And so she finally chose to try to go get help and, of course, by the time the help came, the house was burnt down and I can’t imagine that woman. But I mean, we just never know like what is happening. And yeah, maybe you look at her and you’re like, but she had this amazing, beautiful house and she’s wealthy, but no, she lost her son in that, and so there’s a lot of tragedy anyways, but on the happy note, I am addicted to Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag and I am not one. I don’t even know who they are. The Hills I never watched the Hills because I probably was having babies when that was a thing and it was on MTV and I don’t think I’ve ever watched MTV.

 

But I just watch him and I think if you want to see an example of someone with true confidence, watch him. People say really rude comments to him and he’s like just owns all of it. He owns all of it. Yet he is the number one like supporter of his wife and her dreams. And I love that because, like I said before, my school uniform business was my dream, my, like, my baby, and maybe it was a bad timing for my family, but my former spouse hated school uniform company. He yeah, he gave me money to start it, that was it, and he was inside jumping for joy when it burnt down and where I was devastated. He did not have my back and I didn’t see that then, but I can see it now and I think how sad that I was married to someone that couldn’t support me in that, because it took time away from him and the kids, which was true, like I had to have nannies and you know it probably was bad timing, right, but it was still my dream and so I love that he is getting his wife I mean, if it doesn’t make like the billboard or whatever he’s trying to do, like this record that she created 15 years ago, like he is dead set on getting her to be number one, which he has and as well as he is hustling for his family and people are just like loving him and I agree like he is doing whatever it takes to get his family a new house for his kids, like I just think that that’s what love looks like, that’s what passion looks like.

 

And I mean the guy he definitely drinks a lot. I’m like maybe he’s drunk on every TikTok video, I don’t know, but he still is this genuine guy that is really trying hard to get his family to be able to build a house and for his parents, and he has this abundance mindset in this terrible, terrible tragedy, this abundance mindset in this terrible, terrible tragedy. I mean I can’t imagine having a business burn down was terrible, having my house burn down just even worse. But I have loved watching him. And I don’t know what’s going to happen when TikTok goes away. I’m sure he’ll find another platform or TikTok someone’s going to buy it or something.

 

But I just I think we can learn a lot from watching these fires, watching these tragedies in our own life and do a self-check, a self-reflection on, like, what is actually important to me. How am I supporting the people that I say I love? How am I supporting the people that I say I love? Am I showing up for them? Are my actions matching my words? What else could I do, and I think it’s really important.

 

These people I don’t care that they’re millionaires they have grief, they have loss, they have feelings. They are human and they’re going to need to process that, and sometimes people say things during a moment of grief that could be offensive. But just why not give them grace and compassion instead of judging them Because we don’t know how we’re going to react? When our house is burning down right when we go to the fire hydrant and there’s no water Like that’s talk about insecurity at the utmost right. When we go to the fire hydrant and there’s no water Like that’s talk about insecurity at the utmost right. It’s like we expect certain things in our life and maybe this will help us. You know, start looking at our own communities and how we can help our own communities, and especially, the person I want you to focus on is yourself and what inside of you needs rebuilt, what needs a redo or a refresh and how can you strengthen your relationships. I think that is a lesson that could be really helpful for all of us to learn.

 

Thanks so much for listening. If you like this podcast, please share it with your family and friends, and I will talk to you next week. If you like this podcast, please share it with your family and friends and I will talk to you next week. If you want to learn how to live happily even after, sign up for my email at hello at lifecoachjen with one n dot com. Follow me on Instagram and Facebook at happily even after coach. Let’s work together to create your happily even after.